Letting go isn’t something I’m good at, so even though I struggled a great deal while working and still acting like a stay-at-home mom, the decision to quit my job didn’t come easily.
I felt ignorant for not knowing about these struggles of families with both working parents, until now. Or maybe you all have been making it look so easy that I wasn’t aware of the struggles at all. Either way, I understand the sacrifice and struggles much better now.
My story
After nine years of being a stay-at-home mom, I had some extra time (that I thought I had) when I sent my youngest to a part-time school, so I took on a part-time job, thinking I could have some peaceful moments being away from the family and real grown-up’ conversation without being interrupted by needy creatures (my children) and make some extra money, on my own.
The job sounded ideal, and since it was a low-stress position that provided a flexible schedule of my choice, there were only two requirements: in-person work and a minimum of twenty hours per week, with one eight-hour workday. Hey, my youngest just turned three years old, so I thought to myself, how hard could it be?
Alas, I was so wrong.
Let’s break down my problems from the bottom up, starting with the last straw that led me to quit my job.
The commute
It was about 22-25 minutes on a good day.
As a part-time employee, I had to clock in and out manually.
So, I built this perfect scenario:
- The oldest kids’ school ran from 8:30 am to 6:00 pm (9 hours and 30 minutes), and the youngest’s ran from 8:45 am to 3:30 pm (6 hours and 45 minutes)
- My 20-hour work week would be most efficient (yes, I’ve been focusing on efficiency lately) when I chose to work 3 days per week with a schedule of 6 hours, 6 hours, and 8 hours.
- I could still drop off and pick up my children on my 6-hour workdays, and I had my husband or a nanny to pick up and watch my youngest for the 8-hour workdays.
- I could use the other two weekdays to spend more time with my youngest by sending him to school for half a day, allowing him to participate in extra activities with the big kids, and catch up on house chores.
Could you tell the problems with my perfect plan yet?
Let me tell you, I needed to get to work as quickly as possible so that I could make it in on time for the six-hour workdays, and guess what? I couldn’t make it in on time for six hours most of the time, as I couldn’t get to work until 9:15 am at the earliest, but I had to leave by 3:05 pm at the latest, so I would be late picking up my youngest.
See, I was usually short by about 10 to 20 minutes.
My employer was okay with it, and I got my job done before I left. It was just 10-20 minutes short, but personally, I couldn’t help but feel guilty for not fulfilling my contract. It was stressful just getting to and from work.
Or was I too harsh on myself?
The morning rush got me almost every work day. I was so stressed by the time I dropped off all of my children that I cried driving to work many mornings.
Did I tell you we didn’t always make it to my youngest school at 8:45 am because my older kids ran late sometimes, especially my middle child, who loved sleeping in? It was like a chain reaction: when my oldest kids were late, my youngest would be late, which made me late for work. However, I still had to leave at the same time to pick up my youngest at 3:30 pm, which made my workday much shorter than I had planned.
Well, did I consider the traffic when I signed my contract? Hell nooo. My commute home could take up to over an hour (Why didn’t I consider this!!!). I had to get my husband out of work at the last minute to pick up my youngest child for me on those days. Luckily, he worked near the school. Putting aside the worry about not being able to pick up the kids on time, I secretly enjoyed my quiet and alone time in the car.
My constant worries about being late — getting out of the house on time, dropping off the big kids, dropping off the youngest, arriving at work, and picking up the kids after work — had built up a massive anxiety in me.
Do you feel it?
I knew there were many preschools out there that offered longer school days to switch my youngest over to make life easier for me. But my youngest, who was almost three when he started school, has just finally adjusted to his classroom. He finally enjoyed himself and had a great deal of fun at school. He finally told us about how much he loved his friends and his teachers. I couldn’t do that to him, switching him to a different school to make him go through it all over again. It would be worth the effort if I decided to go back to work full-time.
School holidays and days off
They are not built for working parents (someone needs to address this issue, please!). My kids had so many holidays and random days off that it was such a struggle to book a nanny to fill in all the days so I could work, and camps weren’t an option since my youngest wasn’t old enough. So, instead, I had to request a decent number of days off or adjust my work schedule to watch my children.
Even if I could find nanny and camp services that were available for all of my children, it didn’t make financial sense to send all three of them for all their holidays and random days off. Maybe I was just being cheap here, but I was not willing to pay for childcare more than what I made, after taxes. We were talking about efficiency here, so even if my husband was willing to pay for it, it wasn’t the point.
I couldn’t work for one straight month without having to request days off. I was grateful that my employer was very understanding and granted all of my requests; however, it did affect my team. Most of all, I felt guilty for not being able to stick to what I had agreed upon.
Sick children
Have you heard that young children get sick a lot? I can confirm!
I either had to send my kids to school, be sick, or request a day off to take care of them. It’s not easy to find a nanny who is willing to watch your children when they are sick, unless you pay them significantly higher than usual, which I wasn’t willing to do. And just for the record, the kids, somehow, managed to get sick mostly on my work days?!?! So, I had to choose between being a bad mom (for sending my sick child to school) or a bad employee (for constantly being off), and both are bad options.
I operated with the mentality of a stay-at-home mom even when I was working
As I mentioned in my last post, I still handled every kid-related activity single-handedly while working. I took the job thinking I could work in my spare time when the children were at school. I thought I could still act like a stay-at-home mom, with the flexibility to care for my children as I did when I didn’t have a job.
My “dream plans”!
I bit more than I could chew.
So yeah, I quit my job
After a few months of weighing my options, I gathered the courage to submit my two-week notice and quit my job.
It was worth a try!
After all, I’ve come to realize I’m not ready to let go of being a stay-at-home mom. I love being with my children and raising them the way I think is best for them. I love having the freedom to do what’s best for my children and my family. And in order for that to happen, I’m not ready to take on extra responsibilities outside of home.
It was the right thing to do for myself and my family to quit my job.
Kudos to all the moms and mother-figures out there who work hard every day to ensure their families are in order, one way or another. I still don’t know how you do it.