What do you do for a living? I’m a stay-at-home mom.
Depending on how tired I am when asked, the undertones can be very different: Proud, thinking I’ve done such a great job, or Ashamed or Embarrassed, feeling like I’m not doing enough, or Entitled, thinking I deserve everything when I’m too exhausted.
Being a stay-at-home mother is so hard, much harder than I anticipated, but I still have moments of doubt about not doing enough. This feeling has been bothering me for a long time.
I’ve questioned myself more often than I want about not being enough.
I even took on a part-time job, thinking I could achieve more while still acting as a stay-at-home mom, but I lost my grip on managing both my family and the job after a few months. It has come to my realization that raising my children remains my top priority, and doing anything extra, at least for now, will not work unless I compromise my role as a stay-at-home mom, which I’m not ready to do.
Secretly, my brain often wanders about doing more, being more…, as though I’m not already at full capacity with three young children.
More sickness in May — Will it ever stop?
After a rough patch of sickness, and as the summer was approaching, I thought our family was off for a smooth sail. Well, a smooth sail sounds like a dream these days. I got a sick child, again (not the youngest with asthma), after about two weeks of good health. Trust me in this: The more young children you have in the house, the more sickness you get, in a prolonged period. And they don’t usually get sick at the same time. So, if you plan on having both parents working, remember to build your armies of support for a scenario like this.
Back to my sick child, he has been having coughing fits, violently, for days without improving. He loves to play, but the moment he starts physical play, his coughs take him down. He coughs intermittently for hours at night, making it impossible for him to sleep. He coughs so much that he can barely eat. He is exhausted.
His cough seemed to worsen by late Saturday, but I decided to wait till the following Monday to take him to his pediatrician. Trust me, I did think of bringing him to the ER since his coughs and breathing seemed very bad at night time, but I was worried about overreacting to bring him to the ER again, having to wait for hours, with the answer of just keeping an eye on him — calm down, I told myself.
The moment of realization
Monday came, and his cough hadn’t improved, so I called the doctor at 8 am, as soon as the doctor’s office opened. I took the 9 am appointment for him, thinking I could still send him to school if the doctor gave him the green light to attend school. After hanging up the phone, I looked through my calendar; it was another busy week, with three more doctor’s appointments scheduled for the other two. I decided to take the day off and keep my coughing child home rather than send him to school, regardless.
At the moment of that quick decision, suddenly, there was a warm, fuzzy feeling that rushed all over me!
I smiled!
I was grateful for the freedom of not having to compromise my child’s health for anything else. I didn’t have to think twice about bringing him to school after the doctor’s appointment, even though he was coughing. I didn’t have to worry about calling in for a day off work, and I didn’t have to reschedule the other doctor appointments for my other children due to this unexpected event.
I felt lucky!
I thought of all the parents who have to juggle this kind of stress that isn’t often discussed. We might have done it so often that it has become the norm, but no wonder parenting is so exhausting.
I felt so liberated and thankful at that moment!
It felt good not to have to see today as a loss.
I took a few deep breaths!
My son and I went to the doctor’s office without rushing. He even told me some jokes, with the sweetest smiles each time he finished. I saw his smiles — full of love and full of life — and somehow I hadn’t noticed them in a long time.
How have I been missing this?
Life has been so busy that I’ve forgotten to truly enjoy being with my children. His jokes feel like a waste of time when I’m constantly worried about what I have to do next.
Today, I see him for who he is: a silly, sweet, caring, and thoughtful kid. I love this kid so much!
I realize how much I’ve missed out on being present for my children.
I LOVE being a stay-at-home mom
My heart is happy, not just because I have the opportunity to be with my son, but also because I could take the day off, without worrying about all the things that has been on my mind lately: missing work, not being able to follow my plans to document my journey as a mother, as I thought I would, or any other things on my calendar. Less stress on myself, less stress on my children. Everyone is in a much calmer stage — isn’t that what I’ve been wanting all along?
It is! I got lost in life and forgot about being “present”.
I wanted everything to be perfect, but it often seemed to end up the opposite of perfect. I was sad and frustrated. Then I realized I missed everything! I missed the point! The point was for me to spend quality time with the children and enjoy it, not to have everything perfect. I should be proud of getting to do what I love, not being ashamed or feeling lessened by it, and not by doing more.
It’s liberating for me to say this proudly, finally: I’m a stay-at-home mom, and I love it.
I don’t need to do more to feel accomplished. I’ve been too harsh on myself! Looking back, I’ve accomplished a great deal as a stay-at-home mom.
Being a stay-at-home mom is indeed enough, for me!
So, mamas, stay-at-home or not, you are the best for your children and family, and take it easy on yourselves!