Hi, it’s me, Summer, or what I’d call myself! For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to call myself Summer! Yeah! Summer, with all its heat and sweats and fun, you know! And until recently, I’d also add tears to it. Life is not just about me anymore.
I was promoted to be a mom in 2016 with my firstborn, after being happily married for a couple of years, and a mother of two by two and a half years later. Then the pandemic, you know, COVID-19 happened. Feeling so isolated, with our extended families so far away, my husband and I decided to have a third child, thinking that if anything like the pandemic ever happened again, the children would have one another nearby, without having to go through what their parents did.
Fancy our thinking!
Since then, the children have outnumbered us, and boy, how difficult life has been!
The children sure are responsible for every gray hair on my head. 🙂
More about me
I was raised in an environment where heavy work wasn’t for women, women were fragile creatures, women were supposed to be soft and gentle, women were supposed to be pretty, and crying was a woman’s thing. In short, I had a very sexist upbringing.
As a child, I never questioned anything. In fact, I enjoyed being pampered by others, being seen as a fragile flower, and I especially enjoyed being perceived as pretty (not that my appearance was ever my concern; in fact, having to make an effort to be presentable exhausted me). All along, I thought that was how women should be treated.
Throughout my childhood, both of my parents had to work to support us, my brother and me. They were always busy and hardly managed to be present with their children — it was just how life was. I never complained, but deep down, I remember always wanting more. I had so many questions that I never dared to ask, because I didn’t want to bother my parents, who were already busy enough.
As a result, I learnt to fit into the environment and accept the social standards. Even worse, I learnt to keep my thoughts to myself and never voice my opinions. In other words, I never established boundaries or learned how to stand up for myself.
Basically, I lived up to the social norm and was content with the notion that I was a good girl.
Or was I?
My children change me
Having my firstborn changed me. That’s when I realized I didn’t want my child to grow up like I did.
She was somehow my wake-up call.
I wanted her to grow up into a healthy, strong, and independent woman. I wanted her to have fun in life while achieving whatever she wanted. I wanted her to be herself and have everything I didn’t, and by that, I don’t mean materially.
With that determination, I quit my job to be a full-time mom.
I’d say I’ve gotten some success. My girl has grown up to be a much stronger version of me when I was her age. That has also helped me with my two boys; with them, adding to my mission is to spare the boys from all the male stereotypes.
In the end, I want my children to have a good childhood and grow up as free, kind, and capable as they can be.
Is it too much to ask for?
Maybe. But, I want to be able to promote these values in them at a young age — easier than how I’ve been trying to repair myself.
My internal struggles
This motherhood journey is not as simple as I thought — I’m in charge of the children while my husband supports us financially — how hard can it be?
Ha! What was I even thinking?
It turned out that I often feel lost and lonely as a stay-at-home mother. The tasks can be exhausting and draining, and I don’t have the answer for everything. The moment I think I’ve got it down pat, the children will surely surprise me.
Moments like these, I’m far from sure of how to fulfill my duty as a stay-at-home mom.
Oh, Summer, you are wrong about the way you raise your children – I tell myself.
Oh, Summer, you overwork – I tell myself.
Oh, Summer, take a chill pill – I tell myself.
Oh, Summer, you are so conflicted – I tell myself.
Oh, Summer, you are too ambitious – I tell myself.
I struggle, as a woman, as a mother in general, and as a stay-at-home mom in particular.
Join me on my roller coaster ride
Not until recently had I realized that being aware of my struggles is a powerful thing, and sharing my ups and downs in this motherhood journey, especially the perspectives of a mother to multiple young children, liberates me.
I view motherhood in a different light. The hardship that I used to hide, because I was afraid of being seen as a bad mother, has now been seen as my valuable experience. They aren’t my failure; they actually help me thrive in this journey.
Being a mother can be lonely and confusing, with many moments of uncertainty and self-doubt, as well as numerous mistakes to be made, that no textbook could ever prepare us for. I have a dream of creating a platform where members who are parents or parent figures can call up other available members who are in the same shoes to vent, or cry, or find validation, or seek support. Those tired and vulnerable moments are real, and sometimes I just want to talk to an understanding stranger so I don’t feel judged, or maybe my loved ones are just simply not available at the time I need them.
But for now, learning to acknowledge the moments when I overcome something, even the smallest step, has made the ride much more manageable, meaningful, and exciting. It has allowed me to appreciate the pressure, stress, challenges, and joy in this motherhood journey.
Learning to let go and accept life as it comes has set me free.
So, join my stories for some laughs, escape, and new (old and sometimes unpopular) perspectives as I learn to take it easy on myself as a mother.
Thank you!
Summer.