Yesterday was the first day in over two months that all three of my children were at school full-time. My wish came true; there were no phone calls from any school to pick up the children early. I celebrated by writing a story about why I was struggling during those two months.
I felt good and productive! I even imagined a career as a writer, where I could write about motherhood like the fictional character Carrie Bradshaw writes about life.
Have we met? I daydream a lot.
Once I finished my story, I took a nice walk to pick up one of my children. I was happy and even dared to let my thoughts wander, which I hadn’t done in a long, long time. For nine years straight, I had spent most of my awake time with the children; I had forgotten about what it was like to be with my own thoughts.
For the first time in many years, I felt like a free woman!
It was such a powerful moment!
Guess what? When I arrived at my kid’s school, my son complained about a stomachache.
Boy! I fell from cloud nine.
I tried to put myself together and calmly checked my son. We held hands and had a lovely walk home together, agreeing that we could deal with the tummy ache once we got home. He needed to lie down since the pain seemed to be progressing by the time we were home, so I let him rest while picking up the other two children.
Another trip to the ER
By the time I got home, he was napping, which was worrisome since he only napped when he was sick, at this age. He woke up half an hour later, soaking in sweat, crying. He refused to talk and kept clenching. His eyes were red. He kept looking sideways even tho I was right in front of him. He looked disoriented. I tried to get his attention, but he wouldn’t look at me. I checked his temperature, and it was normal. I was terrified.
His toddler brother came over, offering him his favorite book by pushing it to him. He refused the book by shaking his head, his eyes red and watery, still not speaking. Holding the sick child’s hands, I turned and looked at the toddler, yelling at the toddler to stay away so I could figure out what was going on.
The toddler cried.
I was in distress. So much was going on at once.
Letting go of the sick child’s hands, I turned to the toddler, apologizing for yelling and acknowledging that it was sweet of the toddler to comfort his brother. I then asked for some space calmly.
The toddler did leave for his room.
My brain was spinning.
What do you think was happening to my child? I had no idea. His behaviors freaked me out. I had never experienced or heard of this before — there’s the first time for everything, they say.
I decided to take him to the ER. Yes, another ER trip! We were only 10 minutes away from the hospital, but as I drove to the ER, I thought of moving even closer to the hospital, if we kept up this rate!
What happened to my child?
A doctor finally came in to check on him after a three-hour wait. I have to tell you, sitting in the ER for three hours (after given some pain killer) felt like forever but from my experience (yes, unfortunately I’ve been to this place many many times the past 3 years due to the sickness of my youngest), it meant that my child was not in a serious condition.
My husband suggested that we could go home, but I was determined to stay and get an explanation. I had to know why.
When a resident doctor came in, he explained that he believed my child had a fever spike, which caused him to sweat and the clenching episode. The doctor explained that it was just his body’s way of fighting the fever, and giving him some painkiller would help. I felt a bit ignorant for not knowing about this information, but relieved that it wasn’t anything serious, some painkiller would do, if it ever happened again.
Phew! I could relax now, I told myself. We were ready to go home for a late dinner — we both realized we were hungry.
Then an attending doctor came in telling us something else. The attending doctor believed that since my child didn’t have a fever at home or upon arrival at the ER (without any painkiller), he didn’t experience a fever spike, as the resident had mentioned. (What! Was I ever so puzzled!)
The attending explained that it was most likely because of the abdominal pain that caused the episode. After examining his abdomen, the attending concluded that there was nothing else they could do for him since everything seemed to be back to normal, and my child was no longer in pain, after taking some painkillers at the ER. All I needed to do was to keep watch and follow up with his pediatrician.
Wow! I came to the ER for an explanation and came home with two, one too many, literally. I tried hard to shake the thought that I just wasted more than three hours of my life for nothing. Well, at least I’ve learnt that a fever spike can cause a sweat and clenching episode, and not to freak out when that happens in the future.
On our drive home, my son told me he loved spending time with me while we were at the hospital. This sweet child never fails to stir my emotions to either extreme, and this time, he made me feel loved and appreciated.
A career is such a far-fetched idea now
My life is so wild, guys.
Just yesterday, when I could finally send all my children to school full-time, it felt like the rocky patch was behind us. I thought I could start putting more focus on myself, maybe even chasing my wildest dreams. Before I knew it, someone got sick again.
I experienced such a wide range of emotions in just one day.
Motherhood is wild!
Or is it how the universe is telling me that I’m not supposed to do anything for myself, let alone a career, until the children are much older — I just had to laugh at this thought. Laughter is the best medicine, they say!
Okay, wait, how about instead of the writing life like Carrie Bradshaw’s, or no career at all, as the universe suggested, which are both extreme options, I can dream of writing as a side hustle?
In the end, dreams are free! 🙂